第3章 童言无戏(3)

Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her，"Cut this cake in half，Catherine."

绅士

约翰今年七岁，他的妹妹五岁。一天，妈妈去一个大城市买新衣服的时候，顺便把他们俩带到了姑妈家去玩。

两个孩子玩了一个小时左右，四点半的时候姑妈把约翰领进了厨房。她给了他一块看起来很诱人的蛋糕和一把小刀，跟他说：“约翰，这儿有把小刀，你可以用它把蛋糕切成两半，然后分一半给你妹妹。但是一定要记住表现得像绅士一样哦。”

“像个绅士一样？”约翰疑惑地问，“绅士会怎么做呢？”

姑妈立刻回答道：“绅士们总是把大的一半给对方啊。”

约翰说：“哦，知道了。”然后，他又认真思考了一会儿。

接着，他把蛋糕给了妹妹，告诉她说：“凯瑟琳，你把蛋糕切成两半吧。”

23 Stupid Orders

When Clark was a boy，he never did what he was told，so his father always told him to do the oppsite of what he wanted him to do.

One day，when they were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys，they had to cross a shallow river.When they were in the middle of it，one of the sacks on Clark's donkey began to slip，so his father said，"That sack is nearly in the water！ Press down hard on it！"His father of course expected that he would do the opposite，but this time Clark did what his father had told him to do.He pressed down on the sack and it went under the water.Of course，the flour was lost.

"What have you done，Clark！"his father shouted angrily.

"Well，father."said Clark，"This time I thought that I would do just what you told me to show you how stupid your orders always are."

愚蠢的命令

当克拉克还是个孩子的时候，他从来都不听家长的话，所以他的爸爸总是告诉他做相反的事情。

一天，他们俩牵着毛驴驮着几袋面粉走在回家的路上，他们得穿过一条小河。当他们俩走到河中央的时候，克拉克牵着的驴背上的一袋面粉开始下滑，所以他的爸爸告诉他：“那袋面快掉到河里了！使劲把它弄下去吧！”他的爸爸当然希望他反着做，但是这一次克拉克竟然照做了。他使劲把那袋面按下去，面袋顺势掉进了河里。当然了，面粉全废了。

“克拉克，看你做的好事！”他的爸爸生气地喊道。

“好吧，爸爸，”克拉克无奈地说，“我想这一次我就听你一次，证明一下你的命令总是那么愚蠢。”

24 On Miracle

In Sunday school，the minister was trying to illustrate the word"miracle"."Boys and girls，"he said，"suppose I stood on the roof of a ten‐story building，lost my balance and fell off.Then all of a sudden in midair，a whirlwind swept me up and rought me safely to the ground.Now what word would you use to describe this？"

After a long silence a boy raised his hand and said，"Luck."

"True，true."replied the minister，"It could be luck-but that's not the word I wanted.I'll repeat the story.There I am on top of the ten‐story building again，and I fall.A whirlwind catches me in midair and places me safely on the ground.Think now-what word would describe the situation？"

"Accident."cried out one girl.

"No，no."answered the minister，"Listen carefully for the third time.I'm on the same building； I fall and am swept to safety by a sudden whirlwind.What word could account for my safely reaching the ground？"

The boys and girls shouted in unison，"Practice！"

论奇迹

在主日学校里，牧师正举例说明“奇迹”一词的意义。“孩子们”，他说：“假如我站在一座十层高的楼顶上，失去平衡掉了下来。在跌落到半空中时，突然刮阵旋风，把我举起来，使我安全着陆。想想看，该用什么词来描绘这件事？很长时间没有人回答。后来一个男孩举手说：“运气。”

“好吧，好吧，”牧师回答说：“可以说是运气，不过那不是我想要的词。我再讲一遍这个故事。我还是在一座十层高的楼顶上，从上面摔下来。一阵旋风在中把我托住，使我安全返回地面。好好想一下，该用什么词来描绘这一情景呢？”

“意外。”有个女孩大声说。

“不对，不对，”牧师说：“你们仔细听，再听一遍。我还是在那座楼顶上，摔下来时被一阵突然刮来的旋风托住，转危为安。用什么词来解释我安全返回地面这事？”

孩子们齐声叫道：“反复练习！”

25 Excuse

Tommy hated school and was always looking for excuses not to go.If he sneezed，he asked his mother to write a note saying he had a cold.If he had a headache，he asked his mother to take him to the doctor during school hours.He spent more time at home than he did at school.On the days that he did go to school，he looked for excuses to come home early.

One morning he came home when the lessons only half finished.His father was surprised，and said，"You have come home early.Is the school closed today？"

"No，dad."Tommy said，"It's open.I came home early."

"How did you do that？"his father asked him，"What did you say to the teacher？"

"I told her that I had a new baby sister and that I had to come home and help you."

"But your mother has had twins，"his father said，"A girl and a boy.You have got a baby sister and a baby brother."

"Yes.I know dad，" Tommy said，"I'm saving up my baby brother for next week."

借口

汤米讨厌上学，他总是找各种借口逃学。只要他打了个喷嚏，他就要他的妈妈写便条跟老师说他得了重感冒。只要他有一点儿头疼，他就要他妈妈在上课时间带他去看大夫。他待在家里的时间远多于学校。要是他实在不得不上学去，他就会找借口提前回家。

一天上午他刚上了半节课就回家了。他的爸爸惊讶地问他：“你怎么这么早就回来了啊，难道今天学校关门？”

“没有啊，爸爸，”汤米回答说，“学校开着呢，只不过我提前回来了。

“你怎么做到的呢？”爸爸好奇地问他，“你怎么跟老师说的啊？”

“我告诉她妈妈生了个小妹妹，我不得不回来帮你的忙。”

“但是你妈妈明明生了个双胞胎啊，”爸爸说，“你有一个小妹妹和一个小弟弟啊。”

“是的，我知道，爸爸，”汤米说，“我准备下个星期用我的小弟弟做借口。”

26 Rescue Clinton in the River

Three boy scouts were fishing in a boat，suddenly they heard someone crying for help.They found that someone fell into the river，who was just struggling.So they jumped into the river to rescue him.It was with much efforts that they managed to drag him onto the band.

They didn't recognize the man they saved that Bill Clinton recovered himself.The president really appreciated that they saved his life and he asked that what he could do for them.

"Of course，I want to pay a visit to the White House."the first boy said.

"No problem."Bill said，"Then how about you？"Bill asked the second boy.

"I want to travel by Air Force One."The second boy answered.

"All right.I will make it prepared tonight."Bill promised.

"I would like you to arrange me to be buried in the Arlington."the third boy said.

"I am sure that I can satisfy you."Bill said with a smile，"but my boy ，you are too young to worry about this，OK？""No，you don't know my father."the third boy said，"He will kill me if he finds that I saved your life."

克林顿河中获救

一天，三个男孩童子军正在船上钓鱼，这时他们听到有人喊救命。顺着救命声传来的方向望去，他们发现有人掉进了河里，那人正在拼命挣扎。他们立马跳进河里去救他，费了好大的劲终于把他拉到了河岸上。

直到比尔·克林顿醒过来，他们才意识到他们救的是美国总统。克林顿很感激他们救了自己的命，问孩子们他能为他们做些什么。

“太好啦，我想参观白宫。”第一个男孩说。

“没问题，”比尔说。“那你呢？”比尔问第二个男孩。

“我想坐'空军一号'旅游。”男孩回答。

“好的，我今晚就让人准备。”比尔承诺。

“我希望我死后你能安排我被葬在阿灵顿国家公墓。”第三个男孩回答。

“我保证满足你。”比尔笑着说，“但是，孩子，你还太小，还不必担心这个，好吗？”

“不，你不了解我父亲，”男孩接着说，“他要是知道我救了你的命，肯定会杀了我的！”