第37章

The atmosphere of precautions and recriminations，and in the midst a human body growing more vivid because it was in pain；the end of that body in Hilton churchyard；the survival of something that suggested hope，vivid in its turn against life's workaday cheerfulness；--all these were lost to Helen，who only felt that a pleasant lady could now be pleasant no longer.

She returned to Wickham Place full of her own affairs--she had had another proposal--and Margaret，after a moment's hesitation，was content that this should be so.

The proposal had not been a serious matter.

It was the work of Fräulein Mosebach，who had conceived the large and patriotic notion of winning back her cousins to the Fatherland by matrimony.

England had played Paul Wilcox，and lost；Germany played Herr Förstmeister someone--Helen could not remember his name.

Herr Förstmeister lived in a wood，and standing on the summit of the Oderberge，he had pointed out his house to Helen，or rather，had pointed out the wedge of pines in which it lay.She had exclaimed，"Oh，how lovely！That's the place for me！"and in the evening Frieda appeared in her bedroom."I have a message，dear Helen，"etc.，and so she had，but had been very nice when Helen laughed；quite understood--a forest too solitary and damp--quite agreed，but Herr Förstmeister believed he had assurance to the contrary.Germany had lost，but with good-humour；holding the manhood of the world，she felt bound to win."And there will even be someone for Tibby，"concluded Helen."There now，Tibby，think of that；Frieda is saving up a little girl for you，in pig-tails and white worsted stockings，but the feet of the stockings are pink，as if the little girl had trodden in strawberries.

I've talked too much.My head aches.Now you talk."Tibby consented to talk.He too was full of his own affairs，for he had just been up to try for a scholarship at Oxford.

The men were down，and the candidates had been housed in various colleges，and had dined in hall.Tibby was sensitive to beauty，the experience was new，and he gave a deion of his visit that was almost glowing.

The august and mellow University，soaked with the richness of the western counties that it has served for a thousand years，appealed at once to the boy's taste：it was the kind of thing he could understand，and he understood it all the better because it was empty.Oxford is--Oxford：not a mere receptacle for youth，like Cambridge.Perhaps it wants its inmates to love it rather than to love one another：such at all events was to be its effect on Tibby.His sisters sent him there that he might make friends，for they knew that his education had been cranky，and had severed him from other boys and men.He made no friends.His Oxford remained Oxford empty，and he took into life with him，not the memory of a radiance，but the memory of a colour scheme.

It pleased Margaret to hear her brother and sister talking.They did not get on overwell as a rule.For a few moments she listened to them，feeling elderly and benign.Then something occurred to her，and she interrupted：

"Helen，I told you about poor Mrs.Wilcox；that sad business？""Yes."

"I have had a correspondence with her son.

He was winding up the estate，and wrote to ask me whether his mother had wanted me to have anything.I thought it good of him，considering I knew her so little.I said that she had once spoken of giving me a Christmas present，but we both forgot about it afterwards.""I hope Charles took the hint."

"Yes--that is to say，her husband wrote later on，and thanked me for being a little kind to her，and actually gave me her silver vinaigrette.Don't you think that is extraordinarily generous？

It has made me like him very much.He hopes that this will not be the end of our acquaintance，but that you and I will go and stop with Evie some time in the future.I like Mr.Wilcox.He is taking up his work--rubber--it is a big business.I gather he is launching out rather.Charles is in it，too.Charles is married--a pretty little creature，but she doesn't seem wise.They took on the flat，but now they have gone off to a house of their own."Helen，after a decent pause，continued her account of Stettin.How quickly a situation changes！In June she had been in a crisis；even in November she could blush and be unnatural；now it was January，and the whole affair lay forgotten.Looking back on the past six months，Margaret realized the chaotic nature of our daily life，and its difference from the orderly sequence that has been fabricated by historians.Actual life is full of false clues and sign-posts that lead nowhere.With infinite effort we nerve ourselves for a crisis that never comes.The most successful career must show a waste of strength that might have removed mountains，and the most unsuccessful is not that of the man who is taken unprepared，but of him who has prepared and is never taken.On a tragedy of that kind our national morality is duly silent.It assumes that preparation against danger is in itself a good，and that men，like nations，are the better for staggering through life fully armed.The tragedy of preparedness has scarcely been handled，save by the Greeks.Life is indeed dangerous，but not in the way morality would have us believe.It is indeed unmanageable，but the essence of it is not a battle.It is unmanageable because it is a romance，and its essence is romantic beauty.

Margaret hoped that for the future she would be less cautious，not more cautious，than she had been in the past.