第118章

Grace, when she was left alone, threw herself upon the sofa, and hid her face in her hands. She was weeping almost hysterically, and had been utterly dismayed and frightened by her lover's impetuosity. Things had gone after a fashion which her imagination had not painted to her as possible. Surely she had the power to refuse the man if she pleased. And yet she felt as she lay there weeping that she did in truth belong to him as part of his goods, and that her generosity had been foiled. She had especially resolved that she would not confess any love to him. She had made no such confession. She had guarded herself against doing so with all the care which she knew how to use. But he assumed the fact, and she had been unable to deny it. Could she have lied to him, and sworn that she did not love him? Could she have so perjured herself, even in support of her generosity? Yes, she would have done so--so she told herself--if a moment had been given to her for thought. She ought to have done so, and she blamed herself for being so little prepared for the occasion. The lie would be useless now. Indeed, she would have no opportunity for telling it; for of course she would not answer --would not even read his letter. Though he might know that she loved him, yet she would not be his wife. He had forced her secret from her, but he could not force her to marry him. She did love him, but he should never be disgraced by her love.

After a while she was able to think of his conduct, and she believed that she ought to be very angry with him. He had taken her roughly in his arms, and had insulted her. He had forced a kiss from her. She had felt his arms warm and close and strong about her, and had not known whether she was in paradise or in purgatory. She was very angry with him. She would send back his letter to him without reading it--without opening it, if that might be possible. He had done that to her which nothing could justify. But yet--yet--yet how dearly she loved him! Was he not the prince of men? He had behaved badly, of course; but had any man ever behaved so badly before in so divine a way? Was it not a thousand pities that she should be driven to deny anything to a lover who so richly deserved everything that could be given to him? He had kissed her hand as he let her go, and now, not knowing what she did, she kissed the spot on which she had felt his lips. His arm had been round her waist, and the old frock which she wore should be kept by her for ever, because it had been so graced.

What was she now to say to Lily and Lily's mother? Of one thing there was no doubt. She would never tell them of her lover's wicked audacity.

That was a secret never to be imparted to any ears. She would keep her resentment to herself, and not ask the protection of any vicarious wrath. He could never so sin again, that was certain; and she would keep all her knowledge and memory of the sin for her own purposes. But how could it be that such a man as that, one so good though so sinful, so glorious though so great a trespasser, should have come to such a girl as her and have asked for her love? Then she thought of her father's poverty and the misery of her own condition, and declared to herself that it was very wonderful.

Lily was the first to enter the room, and she, before she did so, learned from the servant that Major Grantly had left the house. 'I heard the door, miss, and then I saw the top of his hat out of the pantry window.' Armed with this certain information, Lily entered the drawing-room, and found Grace in the act of rising from the sofa.

'Am I disturbing you,' said Lily.

'No; not at all. I am glad you have come. Kiss me, and be good to me.'

And she twined her arms about Lily and embraced her.

'Am I not always good to you, you simpleton? Has he been good?'

'I don't know what you mean?'

'And have you been good to him?'

'As good as I knew how, Lily.'

'And where is he?'

'He has gone away. I shall never see him any more, Lily.'

Then she hid her face upon her friend's shoulder and broke forth again into hysterical tears.

'But tell me, Grace, what he said;--that is, if you mean to tell me!'

'I will tell you everything;--that is, everything I can.' And Grace blushed as she thought of the one secret which she certainly would not tell.

'Has he--has he done what I said he would do? Come, speak out boldly.

Has he asked you to be his wife?'

'Yes,' said Grace, barely whispering the word.

'And you have accepted him?'

'No, Lily, I have not. Indeed, I have not. I did not know how to speak, because I was surprised;--and he, of course, could say what he liked. But I told him as well as I could, that I would not marry him.'

'And why;--did you tell him why?'

'Yes; because of papa!'

'Then, if he is the man I take him to be, that answer will go for nothing. Of course he knew all that before he came here. He did not think you were an heiress with forty thousand pounds. If he is in earnest, that will go for nothing. And I think he is in earnest.'

'And so was I in earnest.'

'Well, Grace;--we shall see.'

'I suppose I may have a will of my own, Lily.'

'Do not be sure of that. Women are not allowed to have wills of their own on all occasions. Some man comes in a girl's way, and she gets to be fond of him, just because he does come in her way. Well; when that has taken place, she has no alternative but to be taken if he chooses to take her; or to be left, if he chooses to leave her.'

'Lily, don't say that.'

'But I do say it. A man may assure himself that he will find for himself a wife who shall be learned, or beautiful, or six feet high, if he wishes it, or who has red hair, or red eyes, or red cheeks--just what he pleases; and he may go about till he finds it, as you can go about and match your worsteds. You are a fool if you buy a colour you don't want. But we can never match our worsteds for that other piece of work, but are obliged to take any colour that comes--and, therefore, it is that we make such a jumble of it! Here's mamma. We must not be philosophical before her. Mamma, Major Grantly has--skedaddled.'

'Oh, Lily, what a word!'

'But, oh, mamma, what a thing! Fancy his going away and not saying a word to anybody!'