第76章

When Christmas morning came no emissary from the bishop appeared at Hogglestock to interfere with the ordinary performance of the day's services. 'I think we need fear no further disturbance,' Mr Crawley said to his wife--and there was no further disturbance.

On the day after his walk from Framley to Barchester, and from Barchester back to Hogglestock, Mr Crawley had risen not much the worse for his labour, and had gradually given to his wife a full account of what had taken place. 'A poor weak man,' he said, speaking of the bishop. 'A poor weak creature, and much to be pitied.'

'I have always heard that she is a violent woman.'

'Very violent, and very ignorant; and most intrusive withal.'

'And you did not answer her a word?'

'At last my forbearance with her broke down, and I bade her mind her distaff.'

'What;--really? Did you say those words to her?'

'Nay; as for the exact words I cannot remember them. I was thinking more of the word which it might be fitting that I should answer the bishop. But I certainly told her that she had better mind her distaff.'

'And how did she behave then?'

'I did not wait to see. The bishop had spoken, and I had replied; and why should I tarry to behold the woman's violence? I had told him that he was wrong in law, and that I at least would not submit to usurped authority. There was nothing to keep me longer, and so I went without much ceremony of leave-taking. There had been little ceremony of greeting on their part, and there was less in the making of adieux on mine. They had told me that I was a thief--'

'No, Josiah--surely not so? They did not use that very word?'

'I say they did;--they did use that very word. But stop. I am wrong.

I wrong his lordship, and I crave pardon for having done so. If my memory serve me, no expression so harsh escaped from the bishop's mouth.

He gave me, indeed, to understand more than once that the action taken by the magistrates was tantamount to a conviction, and that I must be guilty because they had decided that there was evidence sufficient to justify a trial. But all that arose from my lord's ignorance of the administration of the laws of his country. He was very ignorant--puzzle-pated, as you may call it--led by the nose by his wife, weak as water, timid and vacillating. But he did not wish, I think, to be insolent. It was Mrs Proudie who told me to my face that I was a--thief.'

'May she be punished for the cruel word!' said Mrs Crawley. 'May the remembrance that she has spoken it come, some day, heavily upon her heart.'

'"Vengeance is mine. I will repay," saith the Lord,' answered Mr Crawley. 'We may safely leave all that alone, and rid our minds of such wishes, if it be possible. It is well, I think, that violent offences, when committed, should be met by instant rebuke. To turn the other cheek instantly to the smiter can hardly be suitable in these days, when the hands of so many are raised to strike. But the return blow should be given only while the smart remains. She hurt me then; but what is to me now, that she called me a thief to my face? Do I not know that, all the country round, men and woman are calling me the same behind my back?'

'No, Josiah, you do not know that. They say the thing is very strange--so strange that it requires a trial; but no one thinks you have taken that which was not your own.'

'I think I did. I myself think I took that which was not my own. My poor head suffers so;--so many grievous thoughts distract me, that I am like a child, and know not what I do.' As he spoke thus he put both hands up to his head, leaning forward as though in anxious thought--as though he were striving to bring his mind to bear with accuracy on past events. 'It could not have been mine, and yet--' Then he sat silent, and made no effort to continue his speech.

'And yet?'--said his wife, encouraging him to proceed. If she could only learn the real truth, she thought that she might perhaps yet save him, with assistance from their friends.

'When I said that I had gotten it from that man I must have been mad.'

'From which man, love?'

'From the man Soames--he who accuses me. And yet, as the Lord hears me, I thought so then. The truth is, that there are times when I am not--sane. I am not a thief--not before God; but I am--mad at times.'

These last words were spoken very slowly, in a whisper--without any excitement--indeed with a composure which was horrible to witness. And what he said was the more terrible because she was so well convinced of the truth of his words. Of course he was no thief. She wanted no one to tell her that. As he himself had expressed it, he was no thief before God, however the money might have come into his possession. That there were times when his reason, once so fine and clear, could not act, could not be trusted to guide him right, as she had gradually come to know with fear and trembling. But he himself had never before hinted his own consciousness of this calamity. Indeed he had been so unwilling to speak of himself and his own state, that she had been unable even to ask him a question about the money--lest he should suspect that she suspected him.

Now he was speaking--but speaking with such heartrending sadness that she could hardly urge him to go on.

'You have sometimes been ill, Josiah, as any of us may be,' she said, 'and that has been the cause.'

'There are different kinds of sickness. There is sickness of the body, and sickness of the heart, and sickness of the spirit;--and then there is sickness of the mind, the worst of all.'

'With you, Josiah, it has chiefly been the first.'