第129章
- Susan Lenox-Her Rise and Fall
- David Graham Phillips
- 4628字
- 2016-03-04 17:01:50
"And I was wondering"--she laughed, as if she expected even him to laugh at her--"I was wondering how long it would be before Ishould possess it.Do you think I'm crazy?"
He shook his head."I've got that same feeling," said he."I'm poor--don't dare do this often--have all I can manage in keeping myself decently.Yet I have a conviction that I shall--shall win.Don't think I'm dreaming of being rich--not at all.I--Idon't care much about that if I did go into business.But I want all my surroundings to be right."Her eyes gleamed."And you'll get it.And so shall I.I know it sounds improbable and absurd for me to say that about myself.
But--I know it."
"I believe you," said he."You've got the look in your face--in your eyes....I've never seen anyone improve as you have in this less than a year."She smiled as she thought in what surroundings she had apparently spent practically all that time."If you could have seen me!" she said."Yes, I was learning and I know it.I led a sort of double life.I----" she hesitated, gave up trying to explain.She had not the words and phrases, the clear-cut ideas, to express that inner life led by people who have real imagination.With most human beings their immediate visible surroundings determine their life; with the imaginative few their horizon is always the whole wide world.
She sighed, "But I'm ignorant.I don't know how or where to take hold.""I can't help you there, yet," said he."When we know each other better, then I'll know.Not that you need me to tell you.You'll find out for yourself.One always does."She glanced round the attractive room again, then looked at him with narrowed eyelids."Only a few hours ago I was thinking of suicide.How absurd it seems now!--I'll never do that again.At least, I've learned how to profit by a lesson.Mr.Burlingham taught me that.""Who's he?"
"That's a long story.I don't feel like telling about it now."But the mere suggestion had opened certain doors in her memory and crowds of sad and bitter thoughts came trooping in.
"Are you in some sort of trouble?" said he, instantly leaning toward her across the table and all aglow with the impulsive sympathy that kindles in impressionable natures as quickly as fire in dry grass.Such natures are as perfect conductors of emotion as platinum is of heat--instantly absorbing it, instantly throwing it off, to return to their normal and metallic chill--and capacity for receptiveness."Anything you can tell me about?""Oh, no--nothing especial," replied she."Just loneliness and a feeling of--of discouragement." Strongly, "Just a mood.I'm never really discouraged.Something always turns up.""Please tell me what happened after I left you at that wretched hotel.""I can't," she said."At least, not now."
"There is----" He looked sympathetically at her, as if to assure her that he would understand, no matter what she might confess.
"There is--someone?"
"No.I'm all alone.I'm--free." It was not in the least degree an instinct for deception that made her then convey an impression of there having been no one.She was simply obeying her innate reticence that was part of her unusual self-unconsciousness.
"And you're not worried about--about money matters?" he asked.
"You see, I'm enough older and more experienced to give me excuse for asking.Besides, unless a woman has money, she doesn't find it easy to get on.""I've enough for the present," she assured him, and the stimulus of the champagne made her look--and feel--much more self-confident than she really was."More than I've ever had before.So I'm not worried.When anyone has been through what Ihave they aren't so scared about the future."He looked the admiration he felt--and there was not a little of the enthusiasm of the champagne both in the look and in the admiration--"I see you've already learned to play the game without losing your nerve.""I begin to hope so," said she.
"Yes--you've got the signs of success in your face.Curious about those signs.Once you learn to know them, you never miss in sizing up people."The dinner had come.Both were hungry, and it was as good a dinner as the discussion about it between Spenser and the waiter had forecast.As they ate the well-cooked, well-served food and drank the delicately flavored champagne, mellow as the gorgeous autumn its color suggested, there diffused through them an extraordinary feeling of quiet intense happiness--happiness of mind and body.Her face took on a new and finer beauty; into his face came a tenderness that was most becoming to its rather rugged features.And he had not talked with her long before he discovered that he was facing not a child, not a childwoman, but a woman grown, one who could understand and appreciate the things men and women of experience say and do.
"I've always been expecting to hear from you every day since we separated," he said--and he was honestly believing it now."I've had a feeling that you hadn't forgotten me.It didn't seem possible I could feel so strongly unless there was real sympathy between us.""I came as soon as I could."
He reflected in silence a moment, then in a tone that made her heart leap and her blood tingle, he said: "You say you're free?""Free as air.Only--I couldn't fly far."
He hesitated on an instinct of prudence, then ventured."Far as New York?""What is the railroad fare?"
"Oh, about twenty-five dollars--with sleeper.""Yes--I can fly that far."
"Do you mean to say you've no ties of any kind?""None.Not one." Her eyes opened wide and her nostrils dilated."Free!""You love it--don't you?"
"Don't you?"