Becoming Generative

How many truly happy people do you know? If you can tick off your answers on only one hand, consider a second question: Why are so few people truly happy?

One reason is lack of purpose. Purpose is essential to deep joy. When we lose our reason to get up in the morning, we start dying. Much of today’s dissatisfaction stems from failing to discover new ways to both save and savor the world. When purpose dies, vitality dies. And even if no one else notices the deadness in our souls, we notice.

Most of us have a keen awareness of purpose when it is present in others and ourselves, and we have an uneasy feeling of “inner kill”—deadness—when it is absent.

Living on purpose means both saving and savoring the world. Both are essential to vitality. Do you have a reason to get up in the morning? Do you, while savoring your life, have a reason larger than yourself for living? Purpose has many meanings, but one is the essential link between saving and savoring.

Purpose is the driving force behind the motive to get up in the morning. The ultimate test for happiness is this: “Can you look at your life and feel peace of mind in that you are living a purposeful life?” Can you regard your present state, no matter how limited by financial means or health, as one of living on purpose?

Purpose is what concerns us the most; what we care about; what gets us moving. Purpose is the anchor that secures us to life, which anchors us during crisis, that keeps us going when nothing else does. It fits things together. It gives meaning in times of uncertainty or loss.

Before the days of books, computers, and the Internet, wisdom— where the best hunting was, what berries and plants were good to eat, when it was time to move camp and when not—was held by elders, those who had lived long enough to experience and impart an understanding of the essentials. The job of the elder was to teach the essentials and to bring forth the successes of the younger generation. This was the elders’ purpose.

Today, the common store of information and knowledge is more complex and more accessible. No longer is information and knowledge the exclusive purview of elders. The accessibility of information and knowledge through the Internet is now much more the domain of the young, the masters of the new cybernetic world. Indeed, the last half century has seen a revolution in the acquisition and transmission of information and knowledge.

Wisdom, however, is another matter. Wisdom’s domain lies in another direction. Wisdom is not exclusively about information and knowledge, but about context, and in this arena the young must often still defer to the old. Why? Because when it comes to the essentials of living, it is clear we haven’t made as much progress since ancient times. Wisdom moves slowly because it takes a lifetime to acquire and there are no shortcuts. In fact, it is the paradox of wisdom, that the faster we try to master it, the slower it comes to us; the very act of accelerated living inhibits the intuitive quality of ripening our wisdom.

Wisdom mostly remains the domain of the elders among us, and the technology revolution has not diminished our need for them; it has accelerated it. It has created a need for wise elder voices in the world.

In an article in Newsweek magazine, evangelist Billy Graham remarked, “All my life I’ve been taught how to die, but no one ever taught me how to grow old.” What a remarkable insight from a wise elder and mentor to countless presidents and world leaders.

A critical lesson about purpose is that the emergence, the generative quality, of what is uniquely our life purpose is a core concern in the second half of our lives. There are many other core concerns, but this one must never be out of sight, particularly as we learn how to grow old.

What truly matters in life according to Viktor Frankl, Nazi concentration camp survivor and author of the classic book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is not the meaning of life in general, but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment. “One should not search for an abstract meaning of life,” Frankl advises. “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment.”

Generative elders perform many “concrete assignments” in the world as guides, models, and mentors. But the most common assignment, ancient or modern, is to teach and to bring forth the voices of the next generation. The core assignment, today, remains the same: to help give voice to those voices. That said, not every elder is a teacher. To be both old and wise is a gift. The gifted elders are the generative elders—the ones about whom we can later say these magic four words: “ There was this teacher. . . who made all the difference in the world to me.” We recall their generosity and the way they inspired us to find our own voice in the world.

Our experiences with gifted elders show us just how powerful this spirit of generativity can be. We marvel at their vitality, passion, and humor as they share stories that do more than merely offer a narrative of their lives—the most powerful tales provide insight into our common experience. We enjoy a roller coaster ride through personal history that takes us on a journey we embrace together. This is what it means to be a generative elder—magical, generous, funny, and wise. With such elders, we feel a kinship, an almost ancestral bond that enriches all our lives.

When generative elders share their stories, they are doing more than just recounting specific details of their lives’ events. Their narrative gifts have more to do with savoring and saving the world. And beneath it all is their way of being in the world—combined with a spirit of generosity. In the way their faces lit up as they communicate, we see how generativity is not a philosophical or spiritual abstraction. We observe a deep wisdom in the lines on their faces and an inner strength in hands that have touched the world over many years. Generative elders are not simply telling us how to live, they are showing us, embodying the wisdom of their years. This embodiment, in its wholeness, is foundational to the elder role. It is what it means to be an archetypal wise elder, saving our communities by sharing our voices with our people. To do this is to more than merely inspire others though; it is also to truly savor the world.