第1章 PREFACE

The day has finally arrived—it's our graduation time. We are about to travel different roads, heading for new adventure. Just remember, what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

这一天终于来临，我们毕业了。我们即将踏上各自的征程，开始新的冒险。要记得，和心中的信念相比，逝去的遗憾和未知的艰难都微不足道。

Graduation: Letting Go, Moving on 正当毕业时：放手过去，放眼未来

Wendy Strgar

There is a good reason they call these ceremonies“commencement exercises”. Graduation is not the end, it's the beginning.

——Orrin Hatch

I attended my son's high school graduation tonight and listened as one of his classmates shared a quote from Winston Churchill: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” The young man recounted his own experience of multiple college rejections and concluded that trying and failing is always better than not trying at all. His wisdom about the effort and courage to continue despite the odds gave the ceremony the meaning I was searching for.

Graduations have been an ambivalent experience for me since my own. Clouded by an old narrative of my dysfunctional original family, I had never really felt like the graduation was a commencement for me. I was not able to begin from this point, as I think many people, both kids and families, struggle with the letting go and moving forward that these moments bring up.

Letting go is a process that starts on the inside if it has any chance of success on the outside. What is unresolved in us stays with us. New beginnings happen in us naturally when the past is acknowledged and assimilated into our present. Pearl Buck wrote: “Growth itself contains the germ of happiness.” The urge to grow and move forward is as natural to the human species as our need to sleep, eat and love. We are born for the continuous change and development that our life time permits.

This process of moving forward is more easily accomplished as we master the letting go. Sometimes all it takes is having the courage to shine the light of our attention on the places inside of us that need to be heard. It is actually remarkable how quickly wounds that have stayed with us for decades, emotional imprints that seemed intractable will lift and shift with this simple decision to pay attention to ourselves.

I am grateful to have witnessed this process of letting go and moving forward for so many young people who I still fondly remember as small children. Watching all the caps fly, I too got the lift. We can graduate in ourselves anytime we are ready. The commencement exercise is always there for all of us.

在英文里，毕业典礼的字面义可以是“开始的仪式”，这正恰如其分地说明了，毕业不是一种结束，而是新的起始。

——奥林·哈奇

今晚，我参加了儿子的高中毕业典礼，典礼上他的一位同学分享了温斯顿·丘吉尔的一句名言：“成功无止境，失败无绝境；然勇气长存。”小伙子接着讲述了自己申请大学却一再被拒的经历，并总结道，无果的放手一搏总好过畏缩不前。即使希望渺茫，也要通过努力藉以勇气继续前行，这样的智慧让我感受到了这个典礼的意义所在。

自从我自己的毕业典礼以来，毕业时分就成为我的一种情绪复杂的体验。长期笼罩在先前父母关系失和的阴影里，我没法觉得毕业可以让我重新开始。我无法站在这样的起点上前进，就像在我看来，对许多孩子和他们的家庭来说，这一刻带给他们的只是对过往的纠结和对未来的茫然。

放手过去，不论外在看起来是否真的已然豁达，这一过程都应当始于内心。那些在心底尚未尘埃落定的事会如影随形。所以，只有当我们正视过去，接纳过去，新的开端才会在当下自然而然地发生。赛珍珠曾写道，“成长本身就滋生孕育着幸福。”于人类来说，对成长和前进的渴求就像吃饭、睡觉、恋爱一样自然。我们生而就要在有限的生命里不断改变和进步。

如果能够放手过去，那么着眼未来就再容易不过了。有时候做到这一点，只需要我们拿出勇气，多倾听自己心灵深处的声音。只是简单地观照一下自己的内心，结果却可能超乎想象，那些已经相伴数十年的创伤，或者那些看起来无法愈合的情感伤痕，都将从心上迅速地移除转化。

我心怀感激，为能够见证许多年轻人经历这样的过程，他们放下过去，征逐未来，虽然在记忆中我还愿意当他们是小孩子。礼帽腾空的瞬间，我的精神也随之得到升华。其实只要做好了准备，人生中我们随时都可以为自己结业，而毕业典礼永远在那里等着我们。