第1章 心灵的美誉芳醇

最深刻的思想或感情就如同地底的矿藏，在等待着同样深沉的头脑与心灵去发现和开采。

The profoundest thought or passion sleeps as in a mine until an equal mind and heart finds and publishes it.

Distrust can be contagious. But, so can trust.

—Robbins Stacia

不信任有传染性。但是信任也如此。

——斯达卡

Of Love

论爱情

Francis Bacon

The stage is more beholding to love, than the life of man. For as to the stage, love is ever matter of comedies, and now and then of tragedies; but in life it doth much mischief[1]; sometimes like a siren, sometimes like a fury.

You may observe, that amongst all the great and worthy persons (whereof the memory remaineth, either ancient or recent) there is not one, that hath been transported to the mad degree of love: which shows that great spirits, and great business, do keep out this weak passion. You must except, nevertheless, Marcus Antonius, the half partner of the empire of Rome, and Appius Claudius, the decemvir and lawgiver; whereof the former was indeed a voluptuous[2] man, and inordinate; but the latter was an austere and wise man: and therefore it seems (though rarely) that love can find entrance, not only into an open heart, but also into a heart well fortified, if watch be not well kept.

It is a poor saying of Epicurus, Satis magnum alter alteri theatrum sumus; as if man, made for the contemplation of heaven, and all noble objects, should do nothing but kneel be-fore a little idol, and make himself a subject, though not of the mouth (as beasts are), yet of the eye; which was given him for higher purposes.

It is a strange thing, to note the excess of this passion, and how it braves the nature, and value of things, by this; that the speaking in a perpetual[3] hyper-bole, is comely in nothing but in love. Neither is it merely in the phrase; for whereas it hath been well said, that the arch-flatterer, with whom all the petty flatterers have intelligence, is a man's self; certainly the lover is more. For there was never proud man thought so absurdly well of him-self, as the lover doth of the person loved; and therefore it was well said, that it is impossible to love, and to be wise. Neither doth this weakness appear to others only, and not to the party loved; but to the loved most of all, except the love be reciproque. For it is a true rule, that love is ever re-warded, either with the reciproque, or with an inward and secret contempt.

By how much the more, men ought to beware of this passion, which loseth not only other things, but itself! As for the other losses, the poet's relation doth well figure them: that he that preferred Helena, quitted the gifts of Juno and Pallas. For whosoever esteemeth too much of amorous affection, quitteth both riches and wisdom.

This passion hath his floods, in very times of weakness; which are great prosperity, and great adversity; though this latter hath been less observed: both which times kindle love, and make it more fervent, and therefore show it to be the child of folly. They do best, who if they cannot but admit love, yet make it keep quarters; and sever it wholly from their serious affairs, and actions, of life; for if it check once with business, it troubleth men's fortunes, and maketh men, that they can no ways be true to their own ends.

I know not how, but martial men are given to love: I think, it is but as they are given to wine; for perils commonly ask to be paid in pleasures.

There is in man's nature, a secret inclination and motion, towards love of others, which if it be not spent upon some one or a few, doth naturally spread itself towards many, and maketh men become humane and charitable; as it is seen sometime in friars.

Nuptial love maketh mankind; friendly love perfecteth it; but wanton love corrupteth, and embaseth it.

【作者简介】

弗朗西斯·培根（Francis Bacon，1561—1626），英国文艺复兴时期最重要的散作家，唯物主义哲学家，科学家。被马克思称为“英国唯物主义和整个现代实验科学的真正始祖”。代表作《新工具》《学术的进步》《新大西岛》等。

相比生活，爱情更偏爱舞台。因为在舞台上，爱情总是喜剧，偶尔掺杂着悲剧；可在生活中，就非常麻烦了：生活中的爱情时而充满诱惑，时而让人愤怒。

你可以观察一下，所有伟人之中（古往今来，凡记忆所到之处）竟无一人为爱疯狂。这就说明了，凡是伟大的精神、伟大的事业，都将这脆弱的激情隔绝在外。然而，肯定也有例外，罗马帝国的半友人马可·奥勒利乌斯，古罗马行政官兼立法者克劳狄乌斯，就是例外：前者本是骄奢淫逸之人；后者却严谨而明智。由此可知，好像（尽管很少）爱情总能找到入口，它不仅能进入敞开的心扉，还能钻进城墙高筑却疏于守备的心门。

伊壁鸠鲁有云，人生不过是一座大戏台；好像为天国之冥思而生的人类，以及一切高贵的事物，都该抛开一切拜倒在一尊小小的神像前，让自己虽不至屈从于口腹之欲（像野兽一样），却难逃耳目色相之劫；它们本该有更高尚的用途。

因此，要说清这万物的激情和价值，以及它在本性面前是如何无畏无惧，是一件很奇怪的事情；无尽的浮夸，只有在爱情里才显得美妙。这种浮夸不仅在于辞藻，因为有句话说得好，最大的奉承，人总会留给自己；而对爱人的奉承可谓更甚。即便再骄傲的人，也不会像陷入爱河之人迷恋他所爱的人那般迷恋自己；因而有人云，爱情与理智不可兼得。这种缺陷，不仅外人能看到，被爱之人也能看到；而且被爱之人看得最清楚，除非对方也爱上了你。这是一条不争定律，爱本就是付出，要么得到回报，要么被暗自轻蔑。

人们可千万要小心这种情欲，它不仅会使你失去其他东西，还会使你失去它自己！对于所谓的其他东西，诗人早已贴切形容：他选择了海伦娜，就是放弃了朱诺和雅典娜。也就是说，那些太过看重情爱之欲之人，就等于放弃了财富和智慧。

每当人心显露脆弱，这种激情便会涌入；或是春风得意日，或是苦难交加时；尽管后者出现的情况较少，可两种情况都会点燃爱情之火，并让它愈演愈烈，因而就像愚人之子。那些不得不接受爱情的人，仍然尽力约束它，并将它完整地与生活中严肃的事业和行为隔开。因为一旦爱情沾上了事业，就会影响人们的运势，他们就无从实现最终目标。

我不知道为什么，军人总容易深陷爱河。我想，正如他们沉湎于酒一样，因为从事危险的工作总需要欢愉来给予慰藉。

人类的天性之中，本存有对他人的爱之倾向，若这种爱无法给予一个或几个人，那么它很自然地就成了博爱，如此一来，便更显人性与慈悲；正如在修士身上所见。

婚姻之爱，造就人；友谊之爱，升华人；然而荒淫之爱，腐蚀人、摧毁人。

On Pleasure

论快乐

Kahlil Gibran

Pleasure is a freedom song, but it is not freedom. It is the blossoming of your desires, but it is not their fruit; it is depth calling onto a height, but it is not the deep nor the height; it is the caged taking wing, but it is not space encompassed. Ay, in very truth, pleasure is a freedom song. And I fain would have you sing it with fullness of heart; yet I would not have you lose your hearts in the singing.

Some of your youth seek pleasure as if it was all, and they are judged and rebuked. I would not judge nor rebuke them. I would have them seek, for they shall find pleasure, but not her alone; seven are her sisters, and the least of them is more beautiful than pleasure. Have you not heard of the man who was digging in the earth for roots and found a treasure?

And some of your elders remember pleasures with regret like wrongs committed in drunkenness. But the regret is the beclouding of the mind and its chastisement. They should remember their pleasures with gratitude, as they would the harvest of a summer. Yet if it comforts them to regret, let them be comforted.

And there are among you those who are neither young to seek nor old to remember; and in their fear of seeking and remembering they shun all pleasures, lest they neglect the spirit or offend against it.

But even in their foregoing is their pleasure.

And thus they too find a treasure though they dig for roots with quivering hands.

But tell me, who is he that can offend the spirit?

Shall the nightingale offend the stillness of the night, or the firefly the stars? And shall your flame or your smoke burden the wind?

Think you the spirit is a still pool which you can trouble with a staff? Oftentimes in denying yourself pleasure you do but store the desire in the recesses of your being.

Who knows but that which seem omitted today, waits for tomorrow? Even your body knows its heritage and its rightful need and will not be deceived.

And your body is the harp of your soul, and it is yours to bring forth sweet music from it or confused sounds.

And now you ask in your heart, “How shall we distinguish that which is good in pleasure from that which is not good?” Go to your fields and your gardens and you shall learn that it is pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower, but it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee, for to the bee a flower is a fountain of life, and to the flower a bee is a messenger of love, and to both, bee and flower, the giving and receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy.

People of Orphaless, be in your pleasures like the flowers and the bees.

【作者简介】

卡里·纪伯伦（Kahlil Gibran，1883—1931），黎巴嫩诗人、作家和画家。被称为“艺术天才”“黎巴嫩文坛骄子”，是阿拉伯现代小说、艺术和散文的主要奠基人，20世纪阿拉伯新文学道路的开拓者之一。作品形散而神不散，是阿拉伯近代文学史上首位使用散文诗体的作家。代表作《我的心灵告诫我》《先知》《论友谊》等。

快乐是一首自由的歌曲，但它又不是自由本身。它是绽放你梦想的花朵，但不是花朵的果实；它是从深谷向高山的呼唤，但不是高低的山峦；它是笼中展翅的鸟儿，却不是困缚的空间。喔，的确，快乐是一首自由之歌。愿你们能够倾心诠释这首歌曲；愿你们不要在歌声中迷失了自己的心。

一些年轻人别无所求，把追寻快感当作生活的全部，他们很快就受到了审判和谴责。但我不会审判和谴责他们。我会让他们去尽情追寻，因为他们会寻找到快乐，而不单单是快感本身；快乐有七个姐妹，最小的妹妹比快乐更加美丽。难道你们没听说过，一个男人在挖树根的时候发现了宝藏的故事吗？

一些年长的人带着遗憾回忆快乐，就像在追忆那些酒醉后犯下的错误。但遗憾只会让心灵蒙上一层阴影，而不是对它的惩戒。他们应带着感恩的心去回忆快乐，就如同回忆盛夏硕果累累的愉悦时刻。但如果后悔能使他们得到心理安慰，那就让他们得到慰藉吧。

还有一些人，过了追梦的年龄，却暂无回忆的沉淀；他们逃避一切追寻快乐和回忆快乐的机会，唯恐忽视或惹恼了心灵。

然而在这样的行径中，也有他们自己的快乐。

因此，即使他们用颤抖的手刨根，也会找到宝藏。

但有谁能告诉我，谁敢惹恼心灵呢？

夜莺会扰乱夜的寂静，萤火虫会惹怒繁星吗？你们的火焰和烟雾会惊扰风的方向吗？

你们以为心灵就像一汪清泉可以让你们肆意破坏吗？你们常常表面拒绝快乐，却将对快乐的渴求深埋于心。

可是谁又知道，今天被忽略的事，明天会不会发生呢？甚至你们的身体也明白它所承存的合理需求，而不会被欺骗。

你们的身体是你们心灵的琴弦，它抑或奏出美妙的乐曲，抑或拨弄出混乱的声响，全取决于你们。

现在，你们问问自己的内心：“我们该如何分辨快乐的真假呢？”你们去到田野花园瞧瞧便知，快乐就是蜜蜂忙碌于蕊间采蜜，而花朵也乐于将花蜜奉献给蜜蜂，花朵是蜜蜂的生存之基，蜜蜂又是花朵爱的传信者，对它们来说，蜜蜂和花朵，给予和接受都是令彼此狂喜的快乐。

奥菲利斯城的人们，请像花朵和蜜蜂一样，尽情享受你们的快乐吧！

Frankness

坦率

Robert E. Lee

You must study to be frank with the world: frankness is the child of honesty and courage. Say just what you mean to do, on every occasion. If a friend asks a favor, you should grant it, if it is reasonable; if not, tell him plainly why you cannot. You would wrong him and wrong yourself by equivocation of any kind.

Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or keep one. The man who requires you to do so is dearly purchased at a sacrifice. Deal kindly but firmly with all your classmates. You will find it the policy which wears best. Above all, do not appear to others what you are not.

If you have any fault to find with any one, tell him, not others, of what you complain. There is no more dangerous experiment than that of undertaking to do one thing before a man's face and another behind his back. We should say and do nothing to the injury of any one. It is not only a matter of principle, but also the path of peace and hornor.

【作者简介】

罗伯特·爱德华·李（Robert Edward Lee，1807—1870），美国军事家。曾任华盛顿大学校长，并积极从事教育事业，维持着联合国代表象征及重要教育家的形象至今。

你必须学会对这个世界真诚以待：坦率是诚实与勇气之子。在每一个场合，你都要说出自己真实的想法。如果有朋友请你帮忙，只要合情合理，你便该予以帮助；如若不然，就坦白告诉他为什么你不能施以援手。含糊其辞既会委屈自己，也会委屈朋友。

千万不要为了结交朋友或者维持友谊而做错事。对你有如此要求的人终会付出沉痛的代价。对待同学要友善，但也要有原则。你会发现，这是最为实用的准则。最重要的是，不要在他人面前伪装自己。

如果你发现了某人的缺点，就告诉他本人，而不是向他人抱怨。最危险的事情莫过于做人当面一套，背后一套。有损他人的话语我们不能说，伤害他人的事情我们不能做。这不仅是一种做人原则，还是与他人和睦相处、获得他人尊重之道。

Educating Yourself About the Art of Loving

学习爱的艺术

Paul Mauchline

Katherine Anne Porter wrote, “Love must be learned, and learned again and again; there is no end to it.” Katherine Anne is right: there is no end to it. Each day, we need to love ourselves. Each day, we need to demonstrate our love for our partner and family, and for all those we encounter. So how do we get to the point where we are able to show our love for others and ourselves every day? I feel that the answer lies in how we view love. In his book published in 1956, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm describes love as an art that requires effort, knowledge and practice. To view love as an art is to imagine that the capacity for love is a seed that lies within each of us, and that growing that seed is solely our own responsibility.

The practice of any art requires knowledge. By virtue of[4] the fact you are reading this article, I assume you are seeking knowledge about the art of loving. Many of us today are reading books by authors like John Gray, Barbara De Angelis, John Bradshaw, Thomas Moore, and countless others. The reason we are reading is quite simple: we are seeking more knowledge about love and relationships. It's very apparent, from the number of seminars, tapes, videos, and books available, that there is need for this type of knowledge.

Have you attended a seminar or read a book on relationships in the last year? Whether you have, or have not, is not important right now. What is important is that you recognize that knowledge is the first step. Take responsibility for your own education. Participating in a seminar or workshop, reading a book, and even reading this article is a gesture of loving yourself. Just do not forget that knowledge acquisition is a continuous process; it does not stop after one or two seminars, or after reading a few books. It takes effort on your part to gain the knowledge you need. Instead of just sitting watching television, you are reading this article right now, but it does not mean the effort has to end once you finish reading what I have to say here. You just may feel inspired, with new ideas on life, love, and relationships. It's up to you to put in the effort to incorporate these ideas into your life…and to keep them alive. It's not going to be easy—it's going to require hard work and effort. You cannot change life-long habits overnight, after reading one article. Somehow, with the pace of life and the conveniences we now have, we have come to expect things to happen instantly. Improving our relationships and ourselves is about changing old habits, some of which we have had since childhood. These changes do not occur instantly, but require continuous effort over time.

What exactly does “effort” mean, when it comes to loving? In my opinion, effort is time and action. When you get up tomorrow morning, take the time to ask yourself: How can I be more loving to myself today? How can I give more love to my partner? What action can I take to give love today? Use your imagination to come up with creative ways of showing love for yourself and others. Take the time to follow through with your thoughts and put them into action. I am not talking about lavish gifts or tropical holidays; it's the little continuous gestures of love that count. Having a bubble bath, making yourself a special dinner, taking a mental health day from work, sleeping in, taking a drive in the country, spending time at a hobby, curling up with a good book, or even reading material like this or attending a workshop or seminar are gestures of loving yourself. You can give love to your partner in many little ways, too: A telephone call during the day to say, “Hi, how are you? I was thinking about you…”, bringing home a single flower or a little gift, going for an evening walk together, giving spontaneous[5] hugs, holding hands, giving a back rub, showering together, reading aloud to one another, or leaving a little love note on the bathroom mirror…the list goes on and on. All it takes is imagination. The possibilities are endless.

We will never know everything. That is the beauty of life, and, more importantly, that is the beauty of love—for they are really both one in the same. Remember it all starts with you. Take the time to expand your knowledge of love, and practice the art of loving, always, to create the loving life you deserve.

凯瑟琳·安·波特写道：“爱需要学习，学习，再学习，永无止境。”凯瑟琳·安说得没错，对爱的学习是没有止境的。每天我们都需要爱自己，爱我们的伴侣和家人，还有那些偶遇的人。那么，我们该如何表达对自己和他人的爱呢？我认为，答案取决于我们如何看待爱。埃利希·弗洛姆在1956年出版的《爱的艺术》中，把爱描述成一件需要努力、知识和练习的艺术。把爱视为艺术，就好比把爱当成一枚种子，种在我们每个人的心间，我们需要对它负责，让它茁壮成长。

练习任何一门艺术都需要知识。当你在读这篇文章时，我猜你正在寻找和爱的艺术相关的知识。如今，有很多人会阅读像约翰·格雷、芭芭拉·安吉丽思、约翰·布拉德肖、托马斯·摩尔还有其他类似作家的书。这些书热门的原因很简单，我们渴望更多关于爱和情感的知识。从相关的研讨会、磁带、视频和书籍的数量中可以很明显地看出，这类知识受到人们的热捧。

去年，你有参加过类似的情感研讨会或是阅读相关的书籍吗？不论有或没有，现在已经无关紧要了。重要的是，你要认识到相关的知识是学习爱的艺术的第一步。从现在起，重视自己的学习，参加一个研讨会或讲习班，阅读一些书籍，甚至是阅读这篇文章，这都是你爱自己的表现。但不要忘记，学习是一个长期的过程，不要只是参加了一两个研讨会，或是读了几本书后就停止学习。想要学习这门艺术，你需要付出很多的努力。你没有坐在电视机前，而是在看这篇文章，这很好，但这并不意味着读完这篇文章后就万事大吉了。你也许会灵光一闪，想到很多有关人生、爱和感情的新的想法。但能否把这些想法融入你的生活，并让它们持续焕发光彩，就要看你自己了。这并不容易，你需要花很多的时间和精力。你不可能在读完这篇文章后，一晚上就改变了你日积月累下养成的习惯。飞快的生活节奏以及现今我们身边的各种便利，让我们总是希望事情一下子就能做好。想改善情感和我们自身，就要改变一些老旧的习惯，有些习惯还是我们从小就养成的。改变习惯不会一蹴而就，而是要长时间不间断地努力。

当爱和努力联系在一起时，努力到底意味着什么？我认为，努力就是时间和行动。你明天早上起床时，问问自己，我今天能更爱自己一点吗？能更爱自己的伴侣吗？我该怎样表达爱？想出一些新颖的方式来向你自己和他人献上爱吧。让你的想法慢慢在头脑里成形，并把它付诸实际。我不会用奢侈的礼物和热带旅游来表达爱，这种爱的表达方式不会长久。爱自己的方法有很多，比如泡泡澡，为自己准备一个特别的晚餐，让自己的精神休息一天，睡个懒觉，在乡边骑自行车，花点时间在自己的兴趣爱好上，读一本好书，甚至是看这篇文章，或是参加讲习班或研讨会。你也可以在很多小事上向你的伴侣表达爱：给他（她）打通电话，关心一下：“你好吗，我很想你……”带一支花或是一份小礼物回家，晚上一起出去散步，给一个自然的拥抱，紧紧握住对方的手，给对方做背部按摩，一起淋浴，把一本书的内容大声读给对方听，或是在浴室的镜子上留下一张爱的留言……还有很多很多。你需要想象去做这些事情，要相信，任何奇迹都会发生。

我们难以知晓下一秒会发生什么。这就是生命之美，这更是爱之美，因为它们本来就如出一辙。要知道，一切都因你而改变。花时间去增长你对爱的见解，练习爱的艺术，去塑造你值得拥有的充满爱的人生吧！

Of Beauty

论美

Francis Bacon

Virtue is like a rich stone, best plain set; and surely virtue is best, in a body that is comely, though not of delicate features; and that hath rather dignity of presence, than beauty of aspect.

Neither is it almost seen, that very beautiful per-sons are otherwise of great virtue; as if nature were rather busy, not to err, than in labor to produce excellency. And therefore they prove accomplished, but not of great spirit; and study rather behavior, than virtue. But this holds not always: for Augustus Caesar, Titus Vespasianus, Philip le Belle of France, Edward the Fourth of England, Alcibiades of Athens, Ismael the Sophy of Persia, were all high and great spirits; and yet the most beautiful men of their times. In beauty, that of favor, is more than that of color; and that of decent and gracious motion, more than that of favor. That is the best part of beauty, which a picture cannot express; no, nor the first sight of the life. There is no excellent beauty, that hath not some strangeness in the proportion. A man cannot tell whether Apelles, or Albert Durer, were the more trifler; whereof the one, would make a personage by geo-metrical proportions; the other, by taking the best parts out of divers faces, to make one excellent.

Such personages, I think, would please nobody, but the painter that made them. Not but I think a painter may make a better face than ever was; but he must do it by a kind of felicity (as a musician that maketh an excellent air in music), and not by rule. A man shall see faces, that if you examine them part by part, you shall find never a good; and yet altogether do well. If it be true that the principal part of beauty is in decent motion, cer-tainly it is no marvel, though persons in years seem many times more amiable; pulchrorum autumnus pulcher; for no youth can be comely but by pardon, and considering the youth, as to make up the comeliness. Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt, and cannot last; and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little out of countenance; but yet cer-tainly again, if it light well, it maketh virtue shine, and vices blush.

美德，犹如宝石，镶嵌朴素为最佳，因此，一个人即便没有精致面容，但清秀外表加上美德便已足矣。仪表端庄，胜过面容姣美。

非众之所见，绝美之人通常都德行不佳。似乎其天性只忙于追求不犯错误，而不是培养美德。因此，他们看似学识渊博，其实缺乏精神修养；他们所学，只是行为，而非德行。但也非全都如此：奥古斯都·凯撒、提图斯·维斯帕西亚努斯、法王菲利普、英王爱德华四世、雅典的亚西比德、波斯帝王伊斯梅尔，他们都是有着崇高精神修养之人，而且也是当时最为貌美之人。仪表端正之美胜于颜色之美；而谦和得体又胜于仪表端正。美之绝佳部分，非图画所能表达，非一眼所能识穿。所有极致之美，在其比例配合上都有其奇异之处。无人能够道出阿佩利斯和艾伯特·杜勒谁人更胜一筹，他俩绘制人像，其一擅长利用几何比例，其一擅长采集众人脸型之最优之处，以成绝美之人像。

我认为，画家如此作出的人像，除了取悦自己，恐无法讨他人欢心。我承认，画家确实可以绘制出比以往更为漂亮的脸庞，但是想要做到这一点，他并不能循规蹈矩，而必须不拘一格（就像能够利用音乐创造出绝妙氛围的音乐家）。世人必定见过这样的面孔，如若逐个观察每一部位，你会发现全无美感，但是整体观之，则和谐美观。如果美之主体在于举止优雅得体，那么说年长之人会更加温和可亲、美人迟暮而更美，便不足为怪了。恕我直言，少年之俊美是因其年轻朝气补其形态之不足。貌美有如夏日果实，易腐而不易保存。而世上大多数美人，年少时言行放荡，年长后则面露惭色。但仍是开篇那句，如若镶嵌得当，貌美会使善行大放异彩，让恶习羞愧难当。

Learning to Love Yourself

学会爱自己

Leslie Karen Lobell

According to the song written by Michael Masser and Linda Creed, Greatest Love of All, “The greatest love of all / Is easy to achieve / Learning to love yourself / It is the greatest love of all.” I agree that, for many people, self-love may be the greatest and most important love they ever experience in this lifetime. However, for so many people, “learning to love yourself” does not seem so “easy to achieve”. For most of us, genuine self-love seems so elusive, so much harder to grasp than we expected. Now, I would like to give some practical suggestions—some first steps—on how to learn to love yourself.

I have made the analogy[6] that, if you keep giving to others without giving to yourself, it is like pouring water from a vessel. If you pour and pour without ever refilling it, eventually, it will run dry. So, if we are like that vessel, how do we refill, recharge, re-energize, and replenish ourselves, so that we will have energy and love to give to others and to the world? The answer is: by loving and giving to ourselves, first. How do we begin to do this?

There are many ways for us to love and to care for ourselves…The possibilities are infinite. One way to learn to love yourself is to act as if you already do (i.e., “Fake it till you make it”). An important way to love yourself is to nourish[7] and care for your body: eat healthy foods and exercise regularly. You may want to “treat” yourself to things like a massage, a facial, a pedicure, or a gym membership. Taking breaks and having fun are important, as well. Whether alone, with a friend, or with a partner, you may want to have a night out on the town: go out for a nice dinner, go dancing, and/or attend the theater, a concert, the ballet, or a movie. If you tend to be a workaholic—or if you are more a saver than a spender—then perhaps it is time to take a well-deserved, long-overdue vacation. Of course, treating yourself does not need to involve great expense: you can take a bubble bath, eat dinner at home by candlelight, take a walk on the beach, swim in the ocean (those waters are very healing), or watch a sunset. Perhaps you enjoy taking time to paint or to write. These are just a few ideas. You can put your own imagination to work.

Another way to enhance self-love and self-esteem is to be aware of your self-talk (those things that you say to yourself inside your head). Speak to yourself in ways that are more kind, and less mean or abusive. Many of us have very harsh inner critics: When we make a mistake, this critical voice inside our head beats up on us, saying things like, “That was so stupid!…I can't do anything right!…What a loser!” We need to replace these negative messages with other, more positive ones. For example, “I made a mistake. That's okay: That is how I learn. I'll know better the next time.” With awareness, over time, you can “catch yourself” when your self-talk is negative, and change the message to something more positive and “ego-enhancing”.

Don't just “catch yourself being wrong”. “Catch yourself being right”. In other words, don't just catch the voice of your inner critic, and stop it from beating up on you. When you do something well, or when you find yourself saying the right things to yourself or to others, be sure to reward yourself: acknowledge yourself verbally, give yourself a pat on the back, or treat yourself to something special.

Yet another way you can learn to love yourself is by being in the practice of using positive affirmations. Take some time to come up with the qualities that you most want to embody. Choose about two or three to focus on for any one period of time. Then try this for at least a month: Repeat those qualities daily, telling yourself that you are those things, already. Whether or not you currently believe it, say it anyway…Again, “Fake it till you make it.” For example, take time to tell yourself, each day, “I am happy and successful” or “I am beautiful and bright” or “I love my body: I feel healthy and in balance” or “I am loving, caring, and worthy of love” or “I am powerful and self-confident”…whatever qualities you wish to be. You may want to write out these affirmations and post them someplace where you will see them regularly: on the bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator door, by the clock in your bedroom, atop your computer monitor, or somewhere in front of your desk at work. Even if, at first, you feel silly or uncomfortable repeating or reading these phrases, you may find that you grow into and become these qualities. You may even realize that you embodied them all along; you just had not realized it.

So, go ahead. Love yourself. Be good to yourself. Treat yourself well. Replenish yourself. You will discover that, the more you love yourself, the more you will be able to give love to others—and the more others will want to be around you and give back to you. This is a win-win situation. Loving yourself will ultimately[8] benefit the lives of others you encounter, as well as your own life.

迈克尔·马瑟和琳达·柯丽德写的歌曲《最伟大的爱》有这样的歌词，“最伟大的爱/很容易实现/学会爱自己/它是最伟大的爱。”我认同这句歌词，因为对许多人来说，自爱可能是他们终其一生所能体验到的最伟大、最重要的爱。然而，对于很多人来说，“学会爱自己”似乎也不那么“容易实现”。至于我们大多数人，真正的自爱似乎如此难以捉摸，比我们想象的更难掌握。现在，我想给出一些实用的建议——几个最简单的步骤——关于如何学会爱自己。

我用自爱打个比方。如果你持续给予他人关爱而没有关爱自己，就像是从一个容器往外倒水：如果你一直往外倒，却始终没有往里面加水，最终它将会干涸。所以，如果我们就是那样的容器，我们应该如何为自己充电、补充能量，不断地充实自己，让我们有力量和爱去给予他人和这个世界？答案就是：首先关爱自己，把爱给自己。那么，怎样开始呢？

关爱和照顾自己的方式有很多……其可能性是无限的。学习爱自己的方法之一就是想象你已经达到某个目标，然后去采取行动（如“假装做到直到你真正做到”）。爱自己的另一个重要方法是关注和呵护你的身体：吃健康的食物，定期锻炼。你可以让自己享受一次按摩，做一次面部或脚部护理，或者加入健身俱乐部。注意多加休息、享受生活乐趣也是很重要的。无论是孤身一人，还是与朋友或伴侣一起，你可以在晚上外出去城里：出去吃一顿大餐，跳跳舞，去剧院看看话剧，听听音乐会，观赏芭蕾舞，又或者看场电影。如果你想做一个工作狂——或者你更像是一个储蓄者而不是一个挥金如土的人，那么也许是时候去当之无愧地度过一个姗姗来迟的假期。当然，善待自己并不一定需要花费巨大的代价：你可以洗一个泡泡浴，在家里吃顿烛光晚餐，在海滩上散散步，到海里去游游泳（海水的疗养效果非常好），或看看日落。也许你喜欢花点时间去画画或写点东西。以上列举的只是几个想法而已，你可以充分发挥自己的想象力。

另一种提高自尊自爱的方式，就是要了解你的自我对话（你在脑袋里对自己说的话）。对自己说话的方式，应该更和善，避免刻薄和咒骂。我们许多人会在内心很严厉地批评自己：当我们犯了错时，脑子里批评的声音就会把我们自己痛批一顿，说类似这样的话：“那真是太蠢了！……我什么事也做不好！……我真是一个失败者！”我们需要用更正面、积极的信息替代这些负面信息。例如，“我犯了一个错误。没关系，就当付了学费。下次我就会做得更好。”你有意识地这样做，久而久之，随着时间的推移，当你对自己诉说负面信息的时候，你就可以“抓住自己”，改说一些更积极的、“自我提升”的话。

不要总是“发现自己是错误的”，你应该也“发现自己是正确的”。换句话说，不要只是听到你内心批评的声音，不要被它打败。当你做得不错时，或者当你发现对自己或他人说正确的事情时，要奖励自己：口头上称赞自己，拍拍自己的肩膀，或者让自己享受一些特别的东西。

另一种学会爱自己的方法是在实践中使用正面的肯定。花些时间想出你最想体现的品质，然后在一段时间内选择关注两或三个品质。尝试坚持至少一个月：每天重复那些品质，告诉自己，你已经拥有这些品质。无论你目前是否相信它，请对自己说……还是那句老话，“假装做到直到你真正做到”。例如，每天花点时间告诉自己：“我很快乐、很成功”，“我很漂亮、很聪明”，“我爱我的身体：我很健康、很平衡”，“我很有爱心，总是关怀他人，值得被爱”，或“我很强大、很自信”……任何你想要的品质。你可以把这些正面肯定写下来，粘贴在你经常看到的地方：浴室的镜子上，冰箱门上，卧室的时钟边，电脑显示器上方，或办公桌前的某个位置。即使起初你觉得重复阅读这些短语很傻或不舒服，但你可能会发现自己正在成长，并逐渐具备这些品质。你甚至可能意识到你身上其实一直都有这些品质，只是之前你没发现而已。

所以，去吧，去爱你自己。善待自己，照顾自己，充实自己。你会发现，你给自己的爱愈多，你能够给予他人的爱也愈多，他人也会越想陪伴你左右，把爱回馈给你。这是一个双赢的过程。爱自己最终会有利于你所遇到的他人的生活以及你自己的生活。

I Will Laugh at the World

我要笑遍全世界

Og Mandino

No living creature can laugh except man. Trees may bleed when they are wounded, and beasts in the field will cry in pain and hunger, yet only I have the gift of laughter and it is mine to use whenever I choose. Henceforth I will cultivate the habit of laughter.

I will smile and my digestion will improve; I will chuckle and my burdens will be lightened; I will laugh and my life will be lengthened for this is the great secret of long life and now it is mine.

I will laugh at the world.

And most of all, I will laugh at myself for man is most comical[9] when he takes himself too seriously. Never will I fall into this trap of the mind. For though I be nature's greatest miracle am I not still a mere grain tossed about by the winds of time? Do I truly know whence I came or whither I am bound? Will my concern for this day not seem foolish ten years hence? Why should I permit the petty happenings of today to disturb me? What can take place before this sun sets which will not seem insignificant in the river of centuries?

And how can I laugh when confronted with man or deed which offends me so as to bring forth my tears or my curses? Four words I will train myself to say until they become a habit so strong that immediately they will appear in my mind whenever good humor threatens to depart from me. These words, passed down from the ancients, will carry me through every adversity[10] and maintain my life in balance. These four words are: This too shall pass.

For all worldly things shall indeed pass. When I am heavy with heartache I shall console[11] myself that this too shall pass; when I am puffed with success I shall warn myself that this too shall pass. When I am strangled in poverty I shall tell myself that this too shall pass; when I am burdened with wealth I shall tell myself that this too shall pass. Yea, verily, where is he who built the pyramid? Is he not buried within its stone? And will the pyramid, one day, not also be buried under sand? If all things shall pass why should I be of concern for today?

I will laugh at the world.

I will paint this day with laughter; I will frame this night in song. Never will I labor to be happy; rather will I remain too busy to be sad. I will enjoy today's happiness today. It is not grain to be stored in a box. It is not wine to be saved in a jar. It cannot be saved for tomorrow. It must be sown and reaped on the same day and this I will do, henceforth.

And with my laughter all things will be reduced to their proper size. I will laugh at my failures and they will vanish in clouds of new dreams; I will laugh at my successes and they will shrink to their true value. I will laugh at evil and it will die untasted; I will laugh at goodness and it will thrive and abound.

Henceforth will l shed only tears of sweat, for those of sadness or remorse or frustration[12] are of no value in the market place whilst each smile can be exchanged for gold and each kind word, spoken from my heart, can build a castle.

Never will l allow myself to become so important, so wise, so dignified, so powerful, that I forget how to laugh at myself and my world. In this matter I will always remain as a child, for only as a child am I given the ability to look up to others; and so long as I 1ook up to another I will never grow too long for my cot.

And so long as I can laugh never will I be poor. This, then, is one of nature's greatest gifts, and l will waste it no more. Only with laughter and happiness can l truly become a success. Only with laughter and happiness can I enjoy the fruits of my labor. Were it not so, far better would it be to fail, for happiness is the wine that sharpens the taste of the meal. To enjoy success I must have happiness, and laughter will be the maiden who serves me.

I will be happy.

I will be successful.

【作者简介】

奥格·曼狄诺（Og Mandino，1924—1996），美国杰出企业家、作家和演讲家。他是当今世界上最能激发读者阅读热情和自学精神的作家，也是最受追捧的演讲家之一。他的18部作品被译成18种语言，销量超过3000万册。代表作《世界上最伟大的推销员》等。

笑是人特有的功能。树木遭到砍伐会悲痛，草原上的野兽会因疼痛和饥饿而哀哭，但唯有我有这样的恩赐——我可以大笑，而且随时都可以。那么，我要养成大笑的习惯。

我要微笑，因为它能促进消化；我要轻笑，因为它能减轻压力；我要大笑，因为它能增加寿命。大笑是长寿最大的秘密，现在，我已拥有了大笑的习惯。

我要笑遍全世界。

首先，我要向自己大笑，因为人太严肃紧张时是最滑稽可笑的。我永远都不会犯这样愚蠢的错误。尽管我知道自己是自然界最伟大的奇迹，但我还只是一颗小小的尘埃，被时间的大风吹来吹去，肆意摆弄，难道不是吗？我真的知道我从何处来，要去往何处吗？我对今天如此重视，在十年后会不会看起来很可笑？为什么我允许这些琐碎的小事来烦扰自己？在历史的漫漫长河中，不寻常的日落前会有什么样的记忆？

当我碰到令我不快的人或事时，我会流泪、咒骂，此时，我还能笑得出来吗？但我会训练自己记住一句话，直到它们成为一种条件反射，我一恼怒伤心时，它们就会出现在我的脑海里。这句话是从远古时代流传下来的，而且一直存留在我的脑海中，它会帮助我应对一切逆境。它就是：一切都会过去。

所有尘事都如过眼云烟。当我疼痛难耐时，我会安慰自己，一切都会过去；当我因一点成功而洋洋得意时，我会提醒自己，一切都会过去；当我身无分文时，我会告诉自己，一切都会过去；当我为钱财所累时，我会告诉自己，一切都会过去。那个造金字塔的人，他现在在哪儿？难道他现在不躺在用石头堆积起来的坟墓里吗？还有金字塔，难道不会有那么一天，连它也要埋在沙土中吗？如果一切都会过去，我为什么要为眼前的事锱铢必较呢？

我要笑遍全世界。

我要用笑声描绘白天，用歌声装饰夜晚。我不会苦苦地追寻幸福，而要在繁忙中忘记悲伤。我要享受今天的幸福。它不是箱子里搜集起来的粮食，也不是酒桶里储存起来的酒；它不能存留到明天，在同一天就要播种和收割。从此，我也要这样播种和收割幸福。

在我的大笑中，所有事情都会回到它原来的样子。我会对失败大笑，它们就会在新梦想的云层中消失殆尽。我会对成功大笑，它们就会收缩，显出真实的价值。我会对邪恶大笑，它们就会灭亡。我会对美好大笑，它们就会越来越兴盛繁荣。

我只会流一种泪水，那就是甜蜜的眼泪。因为无论是悲伤、后悔还是沮丧，都没有任何价值；而每一个微笑都像是金子，我发自内心的每句良言都将造成一座宫殿。

我不会让自己拥有太多的地位、智慧、威望和权力，这样我会忘了如何对自己以及世界大笑。所以，我会一直保持小孩的方式。只有这样，我才能尊重别人，只有尊重别人，我才不会骄傲自大。

只要我还能笑，我就永不贫乏。笑是大自然赋予我最珍贵的礼物之一，我不会浪费丝毫。唯有拥有大笑和快乐，我才能真正地赢得成功。唯有拥有大笑和快乐，我才能得以享受劳动带来的果实。如果没有大笑和快乐，我会一败涂地，因为快乐是增添美食滋味的美酒。要享受成功，我必须要快乐，而大笑就是陪伴我的少女。

我会幸福。

我会成功。